The thing about being so eclectic (or and eccentric) is that I want to do lots of things. I'd like to do sports, and serve in church, and i want to officially form a club that is acknowledged by the university with my friends, also i was offered to join Latin dance class and the choir. Doing all that and still wanting to have a GPA of over 3,5 in med school and a social life as well.
Is that asking for too much?
Hell yea, it is.
The good news is, I have friends now. I have a social life, I guess. I go out much more often now. I went out more often this 3 months than all the times I went out with my friends last year. These people, this university gives me a clean slate. No judgement if I don't let them hurt me. And God has given me a friend, very true friend. She makes me want to learn to be as good as she is at being a friend just to give back half of what she has given to me. She wants to hear what i say and takes care of me, even to the point of calling me cute. Not that I'm an ungrateful brat, but she's like the mom I don't get to experience often.
Bad news are:
I experienced being hated for the first time in my life. My friend has an issue with me because I said something wrong. I won't try to defend myself because I know I was wrong to hurt him. He's a real friend, one of the first friends I made in university. I've said my apologies, and I hope he forgives me and we can get back to normal. Forgiven but not forgotten is fine by me. I don't want any hard feelings between any of my friends.
The last time someone hated me was because I put my judgement too highly. I felt like my friend was hurting inside, and he's putting on a charade in real life. I can hear how dishonest his laughter and reactions are, and how he exaggerate them. It boiled in one night where he called in the middle of the night saying how much I've hurt him. I was sleeping in a room with my grandmother during a vacation out of town. When we met, we shook hands and made up (in our awkward version). That ended, awkwardly. We don't contact each other, but have each other's info. I learned that some things are better kept to yourself than to hurt someone.
Another bad news, I think I'm not living up to my standards. I want my grades to be straight As. The worst grade I've received was a C, but it really destroyed me. I can't have Bs and Cs ruin my pride.
And in university, I have seniors now. One of them particularly piqued my interest (yea, call it a crush if you will, but I won't make a move on him since he's unavailable). I'd like to befriend him in the least. I have gotten to the point where I don't avoid him that much anymore, and I can greet him. But the mere sight of him unexpectedly will seriously give me a heart attack.
I'm learning about life bit by bit. How to prioritize, how God wants to give me something but I'm damn too stubborn and lazy to come get it, et cetera.
my bunny Akihi in headphones. just a fun pic to post.
if I had to say anything about this, it would be... Inspired by Square Enix's The World Ends With You. I shut out the world with my phones, but now i learn to dance to the beat of the music outside my head.
I'm out! Good nite, and God bless. PEACE!
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