growing up

I don’t like myself when I’m jealous like this.

She seems to be perfect. She’s beautiful, adored by her friends, easy-going, and smart to boot. I can’t help but keep comparing myself with her. And I seem to lose every single time.

I can feel myself reverting back to the way I was. Depressed, alone and felt like I’ve been left behind. I don’t want to go back to that place. I suffered for 5 years trying to recover from that. And I’m still recovering. I feel less and less like my old depressed self when I’m not alone, but the analyzing part of me, and some of the good qualities are dissapearing as well. What is the point that I’m trying to make? It’s that I’m confused.

How do they do it? I want to know how do everyone live with this emotion. Why does it exist? To make humans want to improve? What’s the point of all these?

I learned that everyone hurts. Their pains aren’t evident, but it exists. The brightest smiles might hide the saddest stories. Some have screwed up people in their families, some are suffering the pains someone left,  and maybe they are suffering from both. Complicated mess of a life, but it runs just like that. And somehow, it would all fit together in God’s plan.

They hurt, but they’re getting by. They learned to roll with the punches.

I was having a hard time having to cope with the fact that I have to start growing up, but my best friend was forced to do that because of her circumstances. I want to have that kind of strength, to be brave like her.

I feel like my blog is cliched. Like the end of a sitcom where the main character writes down the lesson of the episode. But I think it’s really important not to take emotions for granted. Every second of life is a living experience. Some might not get to do all the thing we do, but they sure can know a bit about it from our perspective.

I learned in class that one of human’s traits and lifelong desire is to fulfill oneself of  their existence. They would want to prove themselves worthy of existence. They say tigers die and leave their skin, but humans die and leave their names. They want to be remembered. The topic is very often told in ancient hero stories (what hero in that time didn't want to prove themselves?)and much often, it is our way of staying immortal, living on forever in memories and hearts of others.

A blog is also a way for humans to fulfill oneself of their existence. Hoping someone would come and read it, then get to know how your life is. An invisible blog like mine, is really just to fulfill my desire to write and record what goes on in my life. So the point is I'm considering linking this blog to my twitter page of FB, but I have to work on some quirks before really doing so.

Sorry guys, not yet a photo for this post. I'll find one next time,