the sound of the rain

The sound of the rain is the soundtrack for my life for the past few weeks, and in where I live, it is pouring down like someone is dumping an ocean's worth of water in my city. Classes are canceled due to rain and flooding in lots of areas in the city, causing traffic jams as well.

Not that I'm complaining. I've always loved the sound of the rain, its sweet aroma and the cool air it brings. It's awfully perfect for a nap.

But it's been raining non-stop. All day. Except for yesterday morning-afternoon.

Testimony: I decided to be honest with someone, and the day before I set myself to do it, I wanted to back out. I said to God, "If I was meant to come clean to this person, and if You are telling me to do so, please let it NOT rain tomorrow." And it didn't rain. God wanted me to come clean. Although that didn't leave me with any solution to my problems.

All of my life I had always wondered what it would be like to be admired by another person. And somehow after getting into university, people are interested in me. One friend asked me if I would like to make acquaintance with his friend, said to be interested in me after seeing my pictures on facebook. I thought it was a joke (in my mind) because I am the opposite of photogenic. I am completely NOT pretty in pictures. I don't know what people really see in me. Now that I know how it feels like, I take it all back. I don't need that, I don't need admirers, people who are interested in me, unless they are people I'm interested in as well.

I wasn't popular in high school but some friends told me (or so I've heard) that I'm actually quite pretty. I cannot comprehend the meaning of it, mostly because it's always followed with the phrase "if only she would..." Obviously I don't know how to end the sentence because I remained un-pretty for the rest of high school.

Now that I know what it's like to be liked by others, I miss high school. I miss people who don't give a rat's ass what I do, and being just ignored. I actually want to go back to the elitists, just to be ignored by them. That's pretty absurd, especially because most people would like to be liked. I don't care about others, I just want the attention and affections of people I care about.

A guy I like should be, a gentleman, not an ass. They should care about what the other party is feeling and be  more gentleman-like than myself, meaning they should treat others better than me. Someone who gains respect from character, not from material thing they possess. That, or they are seriously cute, and intriguing in a sense of me being a writer.


I is always capitalized in every part of any sentence, if it is used to refer to oneself. It really does show us how much we think highly of ourselves. It's good to elevate one's worth, but it is sometimes used much too often. 'I' is deemed more important than 'you', 'we', 'them', 'he', 'she', 'it'; which are comprised of small letters. It shouldn't be like that, everyone is equal, and it is nobler to even put others in front of ourselves.But is even a bigger 'I' to be noble, to pretend to be so is even bigger.

After reading this, I realized these are just rants. My rants because life isn't going the way I wanted it. It's like when I'm turning on the music, but the sound of the rain is interfering with the music. But the sound of the rain itself is soothing. It's best to just enjoy the sounds already there.

catch-up

I found the Christmas spirit~ It's the joy that we find when we know our great God would come down to save us. It's the start of mankind's salvation~

About the New Year's, it didn't go as I liked it. Usually I get to see fireworks and eat BBQ at an acquaintance's restaurant, be happy as I watch the New Year's movie waiting for the clock to strike 12. This year, I was stuck in traffic, then in a restaurant filled with smoke from people smoking. My aunt was having an asthma attack and I was going to have one as well if I stayed too long.

I don't get people who smoke. What do they get out of it? A sense of manliness? Peace of mind? Please, get it somewhere else. If you want a sense of manliness, if you are a man, you are born with it! Peace of mind you can find in God. Please, if you want to kill yourself, do it swift and fast, don't smoke. Don't get your doctors in a bind because you have lung cancer later after you smoke.

Back to my New Year's, a guy said he liked me. But instead of being happy, I was..angry, upset, unhappy. Well, it was AFTER the first confession then he texted me something really strange, in another language. It was supposedly a romantic gesture, but I find it annoying. When a guy texts you for courting, but not doing it in person, it really makes me mad. I feel like, "are you serious? I feel pranked." Am I not worth talking to in person?

 It's the first time someone confessed to me but it will also be the first time I rejected a person. Fingers crossed that this time he'd give up for good!

I also want a guy, just to be clear, just someone who has their head on right. The way I see it, my standards are just the way guys supposed to be. Smarter than the girls, respectable, having a gentleman-like qualities. Is it just me who reads too many books about 18th-19th century romances? (-___-)

The point is, just be man, and try to court your ladies in person. Doing it over texting, online etc is just really screams Cowardly, or you're not even serious with this person.

Peace out!